Children take their cues from you. So, before you can help your
child, you have to help yourself. Here are some steps you can
take to get ready to talk to your child -- and to face your own
anxieties.
Learn as much as possible about your child’s illness
and treatment.
Ask your child’s health care professional for information
packets and a list of resources you can tap into including
library materials and web sites.
As you review the information, put together a list
of questions
to ask your doctor. Check out our sample list of questions
for:
Take a tour. Our Child
Life Specialists provide tours so families can see the unit, meet
staff and learn about the
hospital prior
to a child’s admission. Contact them at
585-275-9878.
Get specifics about what will happen.
For example, if your child will be having
a test or surgery you’ll want to find out:
What will happen
before the procedure;
How long the procedure is expected
to take;
What kind of equipment will be used and whether
your child might be frightened
by the look or sound of it;
What the procedure
will feel like;
Whether your child will be
awake during the procedure,
and if so,
what he or she
will be asked to do;
What will happen after the procedure;
What will your
child look like after
the procedures (any
swelling, bandages);
When
you can be with
your child
(during
the procedure,
in the recovery room);
If your
child
will have pain
and
how it
will
be managed;
If
your child
will need
to restrict
activity after
the procedure
and for
how long.
You are your child’s “safe place,” so you’ll
want to be at the hospital as much as possible, especially
for a younger child.
You may need to:
Arrange for time off from work or for a more
flexible schedule.
Line
up people you trust to stay with your other children.
Find
family, friends or neighbors who are willing to help you
with the details of daily life like carpools, shopping and
other errands.
Some
Questions Your Child May Ask
"Why do I have to go to the hospital?"
"What will I have to do there?"
"Are you going to stay with me?"
"Am I being punished?"
"Will I have to sleep there?"
" Will it hurt?"
" Will I look different?"
"What will my friends think?"
"Can’t it wait so I won’t miss
the school play?…basketball tryouts?…"
"When can I come home?
See Preparing
Your Child for some helpful suggestions on
answering these and other tough questions.
Make
arrangements to stay close to the hospital. One adult family
member can stay overnight in your child’s hospital
room. The Ronald McDonald House (585-442-5437) can provide
inexpensive lodging nearby for immediate family members.
Make a plan for ways to reassure
your other children and help them feel they're still important
in your life. (See Helping
Siblings Cope.)
Plan for ways to manage your stress.
Parents who actively
seek support for themselves cope better with their child’s
hospitalization and are better able to care for their
children.
Get enough sleep and rest.
Ask if there are parents of other
children with similar medical conditions who would be willing
to talk
to you.
Ask if there are support groups you can join.
Write about
your child’s medical experience in a
journal.
Take breaks from caring for your ill
child when possible.
Identify relaxation techniques that
work for you like deep breathing, meditation, exercise
or music.
Decide when and how you’ll broach the subject with
your child.
The younger the child, the closer you’ll want your discussion
to be to the actual event.
Try to anticipate the questions your child
will ask so you can plan your answers.
Practice in front of a mirror. Your
tone of voice, facial expression and body language tell your
child a lot about how you’re
feeling. Even better, practice
with your spouse or a friend.
Finally, there isn’t an absolute right way to do things.
You know your child better than anyone else. Trust your instincts.
